takearespite

For those of you who don’t know me very well, I am often – like a retiree reading the newspaper – annoyed at petty irritants. Basically, shit just always pisses me off. So who has ground my gears today? The beloved Carrie Fisher.

I love Carrie Fisher. I think she’s had a heck of a life and come out on the other side better for it. I loved her in Star Wars, I loved her guest spot on 30 Rock, I love her voice-over work on Family Guy, and I love her comedy. She is who I hope to be in twenty-five years: a smart, sassy, older broad. Like a modern-day Dorothy Parker. And yet something she posted on Facebook just really rubs me the wrong way.

As a spokeswoman for Weight Watchers, and after being touted in the public for her weight (and weight loss) and after going on every talk show known to man to discuss said weight and what it’s like to be fat and an actress and blah blah blah, you’d think that she would be more sensitive to the plight of overweight women. Apparently, not so much.

Here’s the photo she posted on her Facebook on February 7: http://i42.tinypic.com/selwg9.jpg
And here’s the caption: How many times do I have to tell you?! I said get up off your ass, not get your ass up to your shoulders. Share the love.

Now, is that funny? Sure. As long as you’re not the woman in the photo. But I can’t help but wonder why someone who just lost 50 pounds, would think it was okay to poke fun at overweight women. Especially in an environment such as Hollywood, where women are judged constantly by how they look.

The other side of me wants me to grow up. It’s good to be able to laugh at yourself. And maybe it’s kind of like how it’s okay when black people say the “N” word or something. Like, she’s been fat so it’s okay, because she “gets it.” I don’t know. And I am a firm believer in the notion that nothing’s funny if everything’s not funny. Because we all know that every single thing that can be considered “comedy” is going to offend someone, somewhere. So nothing can be off-limits or else everything has to be. I get that. And yet, it rubs me the wrong way. Then again, maybe I’m just mad because my back still does kinda look like that.

After landing in tepid water for calling Adele “fat,” Karl Lagerfeld has issued what appears to be a heartfelt apology but what is actually a selection of words probably organized into a row by his publicist. You can read what K-Lag said about Adele in my previous blog post. Here is his most recent statement:

I’d like to say to Adele that I am your biggest admirer. Sometimes when you take a sentence out of the article it changes the meaning of the thought. What I said was in relation to Lana Del Rey and the sentence has since been taken out of context from how it was originally published. I actually prefer Adele, she is my favorite singer and I am a great admirer of her. I lost over 30 kilos over 10 years ago and have kept it off. I know how it feels when the press is mean to you in regards to your appearance. Adele is a beautiful girl. She is the best. And I can’t wait for her next CD.

I’m so sure Karl knows ALL the words to Set Fire to the Rain. So, if he didn’t actually call Adele fat, and he was talking about Lana del Ray (which makes no sense), and if his words were taken out of context, then why is he apologizing? Also, people who lose weight and know what it’s like for the media to slander them for their appearance shouldn’t knowingly do it to others. Oh well. I’m sure Adele couldn’t care less about K-Lag’s insults or his non-apology, and lucky for Mr. Lagerfeld, no one Adele’s size wears Chanel so he won’t have to worry about a backlash of consumers boycotting his designs.

It is an unfortunate truth of our society that women are judged by what they look like and men are judged by what they have. This is why Donald Trump is married to a gorgeous former model twenty-four years his junior, and I’m sitting here in my cat pajamas living in my parents’ house. I’m not bitter (much); I’m just saying.

Having said that, there is something about the subject of a woman’s weight that just really rubs me the wrong way. If you plan on reading my blog regularly, you’ll probably come to know soon enough that I have struggled with my weight my entire life, that I lost 150 pounds between 2008 and 2011 and then gained most of that weight back since last year. You’ll also come to know that this does not detract from the person that I am, what I do, what I believe in, what kind of friend or partner I would be or have been, nor does it mean I am greedy, gluttonous, lazy, slovenly, piggish, unintelligent, or a slob. I’m a binge-eater, and I’m working on it, which is why the following news story hits me where I live.

Apparently, Karl Lagerfeld, famed fashion designer and professional wax statue of Christopher Lloyd dressed up as a priest, thought that it would be pertinent and pithy of him to tell Metro Paris that recording arist Adele is “a little too fat.” His exact words, quoted in an article from Jezebel, are as follows: “The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice.”

Here’s why that grinds my gears. It seems to me (and perhaps it only seems this way to me because of how personally it affects me) that insulting overweight people is Western society’s last allowable stereotype. Would K-Lag have said that Kate Moss is “a little too thin”? Would he have said that Gwen Stefani is “a little too flat”? Would he have said that an African-American model was “a little too dark”? I doubt it. Because that would be offensive. But comment on a woman’s weight and you get a free pass.

This notion that fat people need to be constantly criticized and berated into putting down the fork is ridiculous. If someone is a food addict, like I am, then they are no different from an alcoholic. Like a binge drinker, I know what I need to do to get healthy, stop bingeing. It’s not the *what* that’s the problem; it’s the doing it part. This is the nature of addiction.

The second thing (and this is more important) is that Adele is a recording artist. She’s not modeling, nor is she a contestant on a weight-loss reality show (you know, the only time fat people are allowed on TV, unless it’s a hospital scene, and don’t EVEN get me started on Mike & Molly). What does Adele’s weight problem (if she even has one) have to do with her extraordinary singing talent or her recent album or single? Nothing.

And this phenomenon is not new. Last week, Octavia Spencer, star of the acclaimed movie “The Help,” took home big at the SAG Awards, and yet all any of the interviewers backstage seemed to care about was how it feels to win an award and be fat, or be in a movie and be fat, or be fat. Fat. Fat. By the way did you know that we know that you’re fat? Yawn.

Perhaps nitpicking celebrities’ perceived flaws (because, you know, being fat is just about the worst thing that you could ever be, ever) is par for the course. And yet, one can’t help but wonder…where’s my cavalry? When a celebrity uses a racial slur (Michael Richards) or a gay slur (Tracy Morgan) he’s raked over the coals. But call a female fat or focus wrongly on her weight, and all anyone does is roll an eye. Where’s my Al Sharpton lambasting people on CNN? Where’s my GLAAD ad? Apparently, in the wind.

Sure, there are organizations out there that try and promote Health at Every Size and Fat Acceptance, but they are few and far between, and when something like this happens, in which a man (a rich, slim man, who is therefore “better,” even though he looks like a broom handle) says something completely unnecessary and irrelevant about a female’s weight, all you hear is resounding silence.

The bottom line is that unless the woman you’re interviewing is a model, or a diet expert, or someone on Dr. Oz, there’s really no good reason to bring up how fat she is. That is, unless you’re just a flagrant douche. K-Lag, your move.

Last night, as I lie in bed “sleeping” (a term I use loosely, since my sleep apnea dictates that I never actually get any real sleep), I had a dream that I created a WordPress blog and named it “Respite.” The name was already taken but I decided to do something similar since I have a lot to say and very few people who are willing to listen. I’ve gone the blog route before, but I never last it out because who wants to be outspoken when nobody’s listening? But I figured I’d try it again, since for me writing is utterly therapeutic. You can learn about me in the “About Me” section, naturally, and I hope you enjoy what I have to say.

Thanks for reading!

~ A